May 31st

I was sifting through boxes of my mom’s ’keepsakes’. Here are five things I saw that I think are worth noting:

1. A homemade Xmas card my mother wrote to her parents. There’s something endearing about the paradox of finding a card your mother wrote ‘Dear Mommy and Daddy’ with a big candy cane tied in a bow on front and then decked out with mini-candy canes throughout.  My mother was not one for sweet words yet this card says she had it in her. I chose to smile at the sentiment that sang from the card. I can’t bring myself to throw it away.
2. My report card from a year in high school.  Proof people that I am not the smartest one in the family. A’s, B’s and of course C’s in math class. Rumor has it that Mom considered me to be the star child. I had no idea and looking at my report card, truly did not deserve. Of course it’s likely that I was writing a novel in my head while the math teacher droned on about numbers.
3. A book of stamps for 1$. The funny thing is, it is twelve 8 cent stamps and four 1 cent stamps. Guess what’s left after all these years? Four 1 cent stamps. I’m guessing the postage was 8 cents so four other stamps would have to be collected in two books of stamps. Was it the clean, roundness of a $1 book that drove the design? Never-mind that the consumer didn’t really need the 1cent stamps….that is until they increased the postage! After leaving that conundrum behind, this little booklet spoke history with its reminders “Mail early in the day!” And “Mail moves the country” and “Zip code moves the mail”. The world was bursting wide open. No more small town:  Mr.So&So Main Street.  People lived in zip codes so the mail could ‘zip’ along. Today what do we have? Email. No physical trace of life passing through people’s messages to each other. I say, get out paper and a pen and write a letter to someone. There needs to be some papers left behind from this time in your life, from your generation’s time on the planet. People need to be able to sift through the history of your life and give it due honors of remembrance and thought.
4. My parents wedding album. My mom had a picture perfect wedding. All the right props, friends, outfits, gifts. In the 1950’s the script for weddings was even more rigid than it is today. Life was a script. Twenty year olds followed the path delineated without veering and then the 60’s and 70’s happened. The script for young marrieds was not so rigid at that time. My parents went from dutifully following the script to wildly off-track, and what a train wreck that was. It may be why I’m so anti-conformist. Why oh why follow the flow when it will drop you off the edge of a cliff with the change of the winds?
5. A wedding invitation from my ex-boyfriend to my mother. Yup. That was the kicker of the day. My mom actually kept the invite all these years and never told me. She wrote ‘For Clare’ on the outside. Thanks Mom. I needed to read that little note he wrote and let it sink in that he invited my mother who he barely knew leaving me to wonder, why? Did he think I deserved to be stabbed back with the knowledge that he moved on super fast? Well I did deserve a stab. But I am and have been a repentant breaker of hearts. I hope he went on to a happy and fulfilling marriage and doesn’t even remember my name. Alas, finding this bit of history leaves me sad though. I really do my best (now that I’ve ’grown up’ -sort of) not to hurt people and I hurt him and there’s no way to undo that blight on my record. I will forever be that wicked, mean American girl.

 

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I’m done thinking for the day, done seeing things about the past. The future is a vast vacuum of time. Right now is not too fun though so that leaves me with closing my eyes and drifting to sleep, hopefully no dreams about me being a jerk and everyone being mad at me! It really is not safe anywhere is it?

 

Lol. Here’s hoping you’re in a good place right now. Cherish peace while it’s upon you. Store up hope and strength while you are not in a battle. There’s no telling what the dawn will bring.

 

Coming to you from the dark side of losing my mother, being far from home, weary of endless work and low on positivity.

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Thanks! Clare.